Days ago, I was courted by my dear friend Teej to contribute to this legendary blog, in which we keep track of the number of times we do meaningless, absolutely un-noteworthy things. I thought long and hard about some of the things I do on a somewhat weekly occasion. I shower, I shit, and I kick underage kids out of a bar. However, the meaningless thing that I do more often than anyone I know, is PUKE. I type the word PUKE in capital letters in order to stress the epic momentum and force in which I purge alcohol and other bodily fluids from my body after a night of drinking. Let me note at this juncture, that I am in no way bulimic nor do I have body image issues. I love myself. I actually think I'm pretty fucking awesome. I am an image of human perfection.
No my dear readers and friends, I just happen to drink far too much of far too many spirits and other alcoholic beverages, resulting in some of the world's worst recorded hangovers. I've been known to PUKE with such ferociousness, that I've broken blood vessels in my forehead, cheeks, and even my eye balls.
Some would say, "HandomeGuy, why do you drink so much, if you know you're going to be PUKING in the morning". And my response to this foolish question is always, "Sorry, I party". I enjoy slamming libations far too much to ever consider the notion of giving up alcohol. I just have far too much fun when I'm drinking. And far too little fun when I'm not. (Note: this is a serious sign of extreme alcoholism)
So my most loyal followers, I will record the number of times I PUKE in the year 2010. I will record where, when, and what I did the prior night that would lead to such a disastrous and foreseen ending. Please feel free to comment upon my posts and perhaps share some of your favorite tales of my vomiting exploits and how they have changed your life.
I bid you all sweet adieu,
HandomeGuy
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